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BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that humor in general and especially in medicine can be risky. It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make this subject more approachable. If you find any of these objectionable, we apologize. Many were sent by our friends, some were passed along via email and others spotted on other websites. As with most jokes, the original authors are unknown - but we thank them. If you have something to contribute - please send in. Thank you. "A smile is a curve that can straighten out a lot of problems." Unknown "Wherever you go - there you are" Confucius "There are moments when everything goes well, but don't be frightened." Jules Renard "Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanted to be important." T. S. Eliot "When we talk nonsense with enough conviction, we can begin to make it seem legitimate." Unknown "A popular song is one that makes us all think we can sing." Andy Williams "To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it." Confucius "The definition of an accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand." Unknown "For every problem, there is one solution which is simple, neat, and wrong." H. L. Mencken "The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy." Arnold Schwarzenegger "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you." Unknown "A man always has two reasons for doing something: a good reason and the real reason" J. P. Morgan "Mankind differs from the animals only by a little, and most people throw that away." Confucius "One of the best reducing exercises is walking, especially right past the refrigerator." Unknown "Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again." Unknown "Spare no expense to save money on this one." Samuel Goldwyn "Most persons would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with great ambitions." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "The reason history repeats itself is that most people weren't listening the first time." Unknown "When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other." Eric Hoffer "The biggest thing college prepares the young people for is the knowledge of how to be broke" Unknown "What this country needs is a car that can go no faster then its driver can think" Unknown "Since a politician never believes what he says, he is always surprised when others believe him." Charles de Gaulle "Even though I believe we should promote Chinese medicine, I personally do not believe in it. I don't take Chinese medicine...." Chairman Mao Tse-Tung "Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with college education." Mark Twain "An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame." Unknown "I am now at the age where I have got to prove that I am just as good as I never was" Rex Harrison "The one who complains the loudest is generally he who contributes the least." Unknown "The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from." Andrew S. Tanenbaum "We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?" Jean Cocteau "Adult education is something that will continue as long as kids have homework." Unknown "A father is a man who carries family photos where his money used to be." Unknown "The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any." Fred Astaire "Some people's opinions are like concrete - all mixed up and permanently set." Unknown "Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." Lily Tomlin "The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him." Robert Benchley "Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies." Ralph Waldo "If you cannot convince them, confuse them" Harry S Truman "Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." G. K. Chesterton "If I have learned one thing in this life, it is that God will not tie my shoes without me" Doug Boyd "I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." Elvis Presley "Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself." Jane Wagner "I never desire to converse with a man who has written more than he has read." Samuel Johnson "The rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strength." Eric Hoffer "I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short." Shelley Winters "To get your children's attention, sit in an easy chair and look comfortable." Unknown "Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river." Nikita Khrushchev "I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world." Georges Duhamel "Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment." Robert Benchley "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it." Chinese Proverb "Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation." Howard Scott "Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done." Andy Rooney "Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts." Clare Booth Luce "Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught." Sir Winston Churchill "Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough." Dinah Shore "It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out - it's the grain of sand in your shoe." Robert Service "It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." Abraham Lincoln "Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working." Pablo Picasso "What I am doing today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it." Unknown
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Monday 12-May-2008 You are visitor #
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